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Ralph Bruksos' Blog

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"THE REVERSE AFFECT"

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I have come to believe that I should be careful as to how I talk to and treat others, especially those in a subordinate relationship.

Those who made a wrong decision, or chronic bad decisions, or were rude to a customer or peer.

The “old way” of management, it was necessary to show the other person who was the boss: maybe “sharpen ones sights” although the transgression or mistake didn’t warrant it.

A manager, smiling, said, “If I am going to be in charge, I must remind the team member who is the boss.

My insight on the subject of control was expanded recently. The freeway traffic was light, I had been on cruise control and it was on the exact marker of 60 mph, not 66 which seems to be OK, 60 means 60 not 67 or 68.

Now, it becomes a control issue. A man confessed, “I am a control freak”, when the speed line is 60 mph I am going 60. I am in control. When I am going 67 I have abdicated control. The trooper now has control. As the friend said, “I am going 35 mph in a 35 mph zone, I am in control.

A man said being a control freak in a marriage can be so rewarding. If one treats their mate with love, kindness, gentleness, integrity, etc., they have a strong voice on the subject of staying married. If one is preoccupied with self, mean, selfish, prone to gossip, they have abdicated their role in the marriage, they passed control to their mate.

If they are virtuous and putting their mate first, they have a strong position in the marriage being a success.

Of course, some fall out of love based on personal reasons, but those who want to stay married can increase the odds of success.

One said, “Never more trust than with our children, I tried the autocratic, controlling way, they quietly scoffed. When changing to more love, thoughtfulness and listening, they too changed and my success increased.

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"WHERE WE LIVE?"

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Like many of my peers, I am at a loss to form an opinion of the hundreds; some say thousands, of homeless people in our city.

I spend a lot of time with owners and managers of small companies in and around our city. When the question arises, “What is your number one problem in business today?” There is one answer, “finding enough people to do the work we are asked to do for our customers.”

“Too much work, not enough people to do the work.”

An interesting comment, “We have more work than workers sometimes.”

In the gym, where I work out, they have attendants and other men and women, a high percentage are Filipino. The starting pay is about $15 per hour, with paid vacation, sick pay, health care, 401-k and free lunches.

I ask, making conversation, any plan for the weekend? “No, I am working at my other job.” “Where is that?” “Johnson’s Restaurant” or “City Hospital” or “I drive Uber.” Amazing how many have one and a half, some, two jobs.

Some have a child in private school; one a janitor older man from China had two enrolled in a local University. Both graduated.

Another man; has for years, one and a half full-time jobs, finished his own degree and a daughter graduating from nurses school. Had her in a private school from age 5.

When I was fishing, my fishing buddy also hunted with his favorite partner, when they arrived made camp, after dinner he would go outside and sleep, even though they had two bunks in the VW Van.

When we were running, met many men who would sleep outside rather than on a mat with a hundred others in a public facility. Some just plain liked to be out of doors.

One woman, from Africa, supporting her mother and assisting with a younger brother works two full time jobs.

Seems the one common denominator was the amount of time and effort devoted to work.

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"You've Got To Be Carefully Taught"

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When I get to my locker in the club where I work out every weekday, I open my locker, and first thing, I take out a 3x5 card and write the five things I am grateful for that morning.

When I finish the fifth thing, I draw two lines and then I write, “And today I will be non-judgmental.”

One day I saw a sports figure displaying his socks on International TV depicting our police as pigs, complete with a picture of a pig wearing a police cap.

A famous sports apparel company, made him one of their spokesmen, because the age and political views of most of their customers are in sync with their new ad campaign.

Many persons took offence at their making him a spokesman for their line. When I was reminded to stop being judgmental. We are not included in their market. Even if we were, they have the right to determine their campaign.

Based on the incredible worldwide success of the company I would conclude that they know more, about reaching their market than I will ever know. It is none of my business.

I love that song, my title for this piece, from the show South Pacific. “You’ve got to be carefully taught before it is too late. You’ve got to be carefully taught before you are 6, or 7, or 8. You’ve got to be carefully taught to hate all the people your relatives hate. Whose eyes are oddly made, it’s not born in you, people whose skin is a different shade.”

If that is not enough, the news will give us a strong, daily boost in who to hate.

I have a choice, just for today, to hate the police officer who died last night, protecting the dance hall patrons in another senseless massacre in California - wear the socks, or honor and revere his memory, my choice.

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"SOMEONE WILL HELP YOU"

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Once you decide to do something, chances are that there is someone, usually near you, that will help you.

Once I decided to do a marathon, experienced runners came forward to help with suggestions.

I was 42 years old, fifty pounds overweight, started smoking at age 10, was thinking of quitting smoking again. I did it for good.

Someone suggested a training manual published by the track coach at Seattle Pacific University. I ordered the manual.

I started running in earnest indoors on a twenty revolution per mile track. I could barely make one full, once around, one twentieth of a mile.

There was a small group of men, usually about six. One by one they started running outside. When I was the last one running alone on the beautiful composition track, banked, I decided to go outside.

The first time I tried it, I stepped off a curb, mid-block that I didn’t see, fell and scraped my knees and hands and regretted running outside.

After a few days, I was outside again.

Had been running outside for months when I realized how nice it was.

One week, Sunday to Sunday, 8 days, I ran 100 miles in training. It was a grand experience.

It was almost a year to the day from when I started training. The marathon was “here”, 38 degrees, 20 knot winds, raining. The newspaper opened with “The Worst Weather in Seattle Marathon History.”

Many had varying levels of hypothermia.

Did it in 4 hours and 5 minutes. The next 54 marathons and three triathlons were easier.

I ran my last marathon to celebrate my 80th birthday. That was enough for me.

I realized, for me, get a training schedule, follow it. A winner is the person who does what they say they will do. I lost 50 pounds. The best part, now that I finished, was that “I did what I said I would do.”

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"CREATE THE PICTURE"

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When I was starting over, I knew how to do it.

Through a set of circumstances, we had lost everything and we were thousands of dollars in debt.

The house with a swimming pool, high on a hill overlooking Puget Sound and the mountains beyond was gone.

It came after a tragic accident to my business associate in the business, one of the greatest men in my life, who made it possible for me to become a great success.

From all that, to a small two bedroom rental with three teenagers.

My wife and I had guaranteed the SBA loan, bank loans for the corporation and personal financing.

I started over, but, I had learned how to achieve success.

No blame, no guilt, I assumed personal responsibility.

Eleven years later, I was writing the final check to the last bank. I had my final paycheck, un-cashed from the previous corporation and it was exactly 11 years to the day I was sending the final check to the last bank.

If you want to understand something, try to explain it to someone else.

I starting holding small classes teaching prosperity.

I went to an art supply store and bought a 30x36 blank poster, green for the color of money.

Created a picture of a cruise liner, marathon medal, hood ornament of a luxury car, crude cover of what became my second book, triathlon ad from a magazine a picture of a rambler, $0 debt, a bike for triathlon, etc. I have reached all my goals.

As I sit here contemplating my next phase, I am looking at it.

Time to finish the third book. Second book was published in the U.S, China, in French in Canada and in Europe.

This blog is my class in prosperity, now.

Will make an audio tape to feed my mind, set aside one hour per day.

If it worked perfectly the first time, odds favor my doing it again.


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“TRADING MY LIFE FOR”

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Was planning my day recently, I was reminded of a personal belief, “Whatever I am scheduling, I am trading my life for it!”

Whenever I watch a sporting event on TV or in person, I am trading my life for it.

I have a finite amount of time left, “Do I want to schedule time to watch someone else playing in their sandbox or schedule that portion of my life doing that will benefit me or humankind?”

I have the choice, watching someone else enrich their life through exercise, sometimes earning an inordinate amount of money, or, get the benefit of exercise, or gaining knowledge or wisdom by learning myself.

The most enjoyment while watching TV in years past has been watching one of our sports teams, college or pro, I loved it. Now, I want to continue, but not watching. I want to watch or do things that enrich me or someone else. Exercise, knowledge, wisdom, health, skill learning, etc., a good trade.

There has been a time, I was so exhausted from my work or some activity that watching a sporting event or meaningless show was all I had left in my tank, but that is rare.

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"GIVERS MAY BE HAPPIER"

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Not because they are better than those who are inclined toward being “a taker” but they share that the act of kindness on their part, produces a sense of well being.

Encounters are often one of three things, pleasant, neutral or unpleasant. I try to make my half pleasant every time.

Some work at making it unpleasant, at best.

When demolition of a main north and south viaduct was planned, the media assured long delays would happen, tempers would flare, accidents increase, none of which occurred, during my twice daily commute.

Daily, I would see motorists create openings for other drivers to merge, and it has seemed that drivers acknowledged the kindness with a wave, in most cases. It has worked well, smoothly with daily gestures of kindness.

I was waiting for the elevator after my morning workout when another man joined me. Pleasant, smiling, I asked him what he does when not working out, he said he had a full-time job, but also was on the board of the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center on a volunteer committee at the University of Washington and other committees as a volunteer.

Another man, with a locker next to mine, pleasant in every encounter, went missing two weeks this summer, he explained he had been away on vacation to camp with his son as the scoutmaster.

Another is serving as the volunteer president of the Regional Heart Association.

All of these men never complain about the weather, the traffic, or local sports teams when they lose or anything else.

There is a certain joy in helping others that people have found and it is there for all of us to enjoy.


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"I CHOOSE TO NOT MAKE IT "OK" TO QUIT

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I was running the New York City Marathon.

In that marathon, you run through the five boroughs starting in Staten Island, across the bridge into Brooklyn, then Queens, Manhattan, and into the Bronx and finally back into the finish line in Manhattan.

By the time I reached Queens, it was a clear morning and the beautiful children were out with candy served on paper plates.

This was the fifth time I had run it, so I knew what to expect.

When I reached Queens, I was somewhere near half finished. But, I hurt; my neck, my back and especially my legs hurt; but mostly my mind hurt. I hurt worse than at any time in 54 marathons.

I always carried $4-5 rolled up in a tiny pocket in my shorts for a drink, or candy bar, or in an emergency, the subway.

In Queens the subway ran under the street I was running on. How easy it would be to quit and catch the subway to where I was staying near Central Park.

As someone said, “Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever.”

I knew, in order to quit, I must get my story straight. “I was too cold”, “too much rain” or “my boss was terrible”, “they weren’t paying me enough”, “she didn’t like my mother”, “she wouldn’t let me hunt and fish after we got married”, etc.

I couldn’t “get my story straight”. I needed a story to tell myself if I quit.

I couldn’t think of “a story” that would make it ok in the eyes of our children and grandchildren. The truth was, they wouldn’t think less of me, and they would continue to love me.

I slowed more, but, I couldn’t make it “ok to quit”.

I had the “reason why” in my mind. “I didn’t want to let our children, et al, down”.

I kept slogging and the pain and exhaustion left me and I finished.

Had I made it ok to quit, I would have:

The lesson for me, never make it ok to get my story straight so I can quit anything because it is hard and I am experiencing discomfort, if, I have…another step in me.

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"STARTING THE DAY RIGHT"

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I used to run with the CEO of Weyerhaeuser, Asia, and being a very bright running mate, he left some memorable lines over the miles.

He, when talking about old friends, in fun, mentioned that they would be angry most mornings.

He would, in defending their attitude say, “They wake up, spring loaded, in the angry position.”

Lack of sleep, a problem on one’s mind, someone who successfully provoked an issue, wake up “spring loaded.”

We agreed, over the miles, that mental attitude was completely an inside job, totally up to the individual.

I could start the day with a heart full of gratitude and a smile, or be “spring loaded.”

I get to my locker where I work out early in the morning and I sit and write the five things I am grateful for, that morning, on one side; after I write the 5 things, I draw two lines and write, “And today, I will be non-judgmental.” There are thousands of cards on a shelf, in my office.

We agreed, we could start the day any way we wanted.

I found it impossible to be angry, self absorbed or “snarky” when focusing on gratitude and when I am not judging the other person.

All of life is written on the “backside of my eyeballs.” It’s my choice and it’s my choice to be grateful, not angry that day.


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"Your Secret Power"

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Impossible to know how much your act of kindness, of thoughtfulness, may mean to the recipient.

I have a friend that I see when we are playing golf, I see him in the locker room and a member or two of his group at the store or in our community.

Recently, he opened a short conversation with, “I understand you have written a couple of books and used to manage a large company and team.” I said, “Yes to both.”

He asked where he could get a copy of my book? Amazon or somewhere else?

I told him if he purchased it at Amazon, because they don’t make a market any longer, he would pay “the collectors price, if they even had it and I would gift him a copy.” I did.

About 10 days later, he called and said he loved the book and wanted to purchase 12 copies for members of his firm and would I sign them? Yes!

I had been languishing in writing, finishing my third book.

Thanks to Lou and his kindness, people saw the book and it started a real buzz. A couple of Lou’s key people have gone out of their way to thank Lou and me.

The real point is, tho, my enthusiasm for book #3 has been totally revitalized because of Lou, for which I am so grateful. I am not certain that Lou realized the power and energy he released with his kindness.

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