YOUNGER GRAND DAUGHTER'S DRAWING AND POEM
My tea rests on the table
Heat rising and curling up in the frigid air
And basking in the filtered light
From the frozen window
I find my gaze drifting out
To watch the clouds obscuring the sky
Leaving a peaceful halo around the ground
Small drifts of snow falls down gently
I smile softly
I love watching the snow
Watching as everything seems to still as each flake falls
And the snow gathers as the silence builds
Each snowflake is different, unique.
And they fall slowly in unison, unlike the rain
Unlike the rain which pores from the sky like tears
It’s colder, gentle
Like the feeling as they land softly on your hands, face, eyelashes
And the world seems to fall into silence
Determined to listen to each piece as it falls
And hits the ground with a soft thump,
Like a heartbeat
One after another
Covering the ground
In a clean slate, porcelain and perfect
Bright white that captures every branch, every leaf, roof, and stone
And waits
While the sky is dark and quiet
And the wind is gone
And the sun hides, completely obscured by the clouds
And the feeling of being in the snow takes your breath away
Because it’s so magical
So special
And you can sit, watching, waiting, for forever
Because at the moment
The world is frozen in this one, perfect picture frame as the snow falls.
I pull back to reality, looking around
My tea’s cold.
![KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT]()
When our girls were around nine and twelve, I had a teacher of PET (Parent Effectiveness Training), Sheryn Hara, come to our house and teach us the course.
The first rule I remember learning is “NO TALKING DURING PROBLEM TIMES”. And if we do talk, to use “I Language”. I looked it up on the internet today and a set of feeling words are there for us to learn. Forty-five years ago most of us parents were always using “You messages” such as, “You aren’t listening”.
I remember one time saying to our older daughter, “It makes me feel sad that I had to yell before your room got cleaned.”
She responded, “Oh Mom, don’t use that stuff on me!” But she didn’t get mad.
The second rule is to take the problem to a public place (so it is embarrassing to argue or yell) and have a discussion. It’s important to address problems proactively and not assume they will eventually resolve on their own or with maturity.
In counseling, I suggest making “dates” with our children, individually, for these discussions on a regular basis. This also applies to issues with a significant partners. THIS WORKS!!
Motivational speaker, Mel Robbins suggests the FIVE SECOND RULE on taking action for accomplishing things. I like to use it in reverse. We used to say, “Count to ten.”
Not thinking before a retort has become epidemic in today’s world. We are abusing each other with too much free will. Twitter and Facebook has allowed us to go crazy!
I say listen to Winnie-the-Pooh, “KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT FOR AT LEAST FIVE SECONDS" and give myself time to think before a ‘come-back’, if that’s necessary.
![STARTING OVER IN EASTERN O...]()
STARTING OVER IN EASTERN OREGON & IDAHO IN 1930s, DUE TO JAPANESE DISCRIMINATION
AFTER BEING ONE OF THE 100 DAIRY FARMERS ONCE SUPPLYING 1/2 OF SEATTLE'S MILK SUPPLY
“I think it’s time to see if Mrs. Takei can come and help,” Mary whispers to Sago. It is January 14th, 1939, and past midnight on this remote Eastern Oregon farm, ten miles west of Vale – Malheur County seat, but hardly 200 in population. The snow the week before was only six inches, but doesn’t melt because it’s 20 degrees.
Sago runs to start up the old International flatbed truck, their only means of transportation. Without weight, the truck slides it’s way into and around the icy road ruts, moaning and whining its way back home with Mrs. Takei. She is not a trained midwife, but knows what to do. “Heat up more water and get a bunch of towels,” she suggests in Japanese to Sago, as she goes to the bedroom, asking, “How often are your pains?”
“Every four or five minutes but I can ‘gaman’ (put up with).” Mary answers stoically, as she thinks she should. She knows the rest of the men, her dad and two brothers, will be up soon and need breakfast and adds, “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry, I don’t think I feel like getting up.”
“Don’t worry, I will make some oatmeal, pancakes and coffee. Just relax and take deep breaths,” Mrs. Takei softly and calmly advises.
Mary remembers Mrs. Goto’s advice at the New Years celebration a couple weeks ago, “Don’t worry, gambatte!! (endure, be strong). Just push hard at the end and it will be easy.” Mary knows, last year Mr. Goto and Mr. Nakano had assisted in the birth of Andy Goto in their remodeled chicken-coop farm house, following instructions in a Japanese magazine. No one can afford doctors and everyone knows babies are just part of life.
After breakfast, Sago says, “I better stick around, close to the house.” He goes out to chop some more wood and fill the coal bucket.
Mrs. Takei compliments twenty-one year old Mary through this first birth, “Your mother would be proud of her good Japanese daughter if she were alive.” By early afternoon, she announces, “You have a beautiful baby girl!”
Mary and Sago are excited to have a girl and having a conversation about naming her. During the pregnancy, as Mary learned to make bread and cook from their landlord, Mrs. Yragen, her three-year-old grand daughter was often visiting. Mary suggested, “Dolores is so cute, I like that for a name!”
Sago agrees, but responds, “Let’s spell it Delores so it doesn’t sound so melancholy. We can make her middle name Michiko and be sure to use the Japanese characters for “Beautiful and Intelligent”.
Ironically, Sam Goto, who would later marry Delores, is living a few miles away in Bully Creek at the time she is born.
Fifty-one years later when Delores, “Dee”, had one of her last conversations with her Dad, he said, “The happiest day of my life was the day you were born.”
![Hiccup Wannabe]()
Hiccup Wannabe
When the girls were toddlers watching HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON became an obsession. Hiccup was their hero! Philosophers like Dostoevski set the stage for writers like Tui Sutherland and the dragons of WINGS OF FIRE; Skywings, Rainwings, Icewings Leafwings and etcetera. Girls have read and reread all 15 books. Each of us have our own dragons and the secret is to have our sword ready, but mostly keeping it sheathed.
Girls say, "Grandma's Dragon is a "Nightwing!"
It’s not helpful to feel sorry for people who have uncontrolled dragons within (alcoholism, drugs, brutality- with words as well, helpless attitudes and poverty - not just money). Catching and highlighting how each of us control and train our own dragon is the way to go as parents, relatives, teachers, mentors, CEOs and neighbors.
According to a number of key figures in psychology, daily habits and social connections are key. That includes appreciation of “dragon conflicts” where overcoming makes us stronger.
Thank you God
Auld Lang Syne
4th year since Sam passed on December 31st
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2022
Looking forward to another year of “Dragon Training”
![Special Drawing for My Blog]()
Special Drawing for My Blog
According to Vilfredo Pareto, economist/sociologist of the early 1900s, 80% of the Italian wealth belonged to 20% of the population. Economists further determine that 80% of outcome in a business is accomplished by 20% of the employees.
In Parenting, we want our girls to learn to be part of that 20%. That also means overcoming the 20% of the negative odds that create 80% of our issues in life.
With no school and snowbound days, as the girls are spend too much time under comfy throw blankets on the living room couches. Mom is yelling, “Girls, get off your devices!”
The irony is that Mom is also on her devices because that is part of her “gotomedia” business of creating enticements that keep the world on their devices.
Grandma is also on her device writing stories for OMOIDE books and leaving a legacy.
One of the good habits in our household is that we never miss setting the table, calling everyone to dinner and having some discussions while we eat. Therefore, in discussing about Pareto Distribution, one of the conclusions is: “With a quick 20% more effort at the end of each day, our house will be 80% cleaner and ready for our next creative effort!!”
Another suggestion is: “With 20% more sleep, we can become 80% healthier.”
The conclusion? It takes “not too much effort” to make a mess. But it’s also “not that difficult” to make things a little bit better!
![SUKI LOVING THE SNOW!!]()
SUKI LOVING THE SNOW!!
Sixty years ago, it was 2am and Sam & I hadn’t eaten all day and night. With our getting married at the Ontario, Oregon, Baptist Church, reception at the Ontario Moore Hotel and gift opening at my Uncle Frank’s home; we weren’t given a moment to eat anything ourselves.
We drove the 40 miles to the motel in Caldwell, Idaho, that Sam had reserved, through a heavy snow storm. We dropped off our bags and were so hungry we decided to drive around Caldwell to see if we could find some place. Shortly, we found a cop in his police car who directed us to a place.
Those days driving in the winter and snow was no big deal. Can’t imagine that we asked everyone who attended our wedding to drive to Ontario in the middle of winter and specially on Christmas Eve??
Another thing that we took as "part of life" was that Sam had to go to a couple different places to get the reservation because a couple places would not serve us because we were Japanese. Life was not and is not fair. It was wrong! We dealt with it and moved on with doing our best.
All four years since Sam has passed has seen snow on Christmas.
Snow and eating is still marking Christmas as we make more memories and face today's challenges! What is it that we can do to operate at higher levels?!
![Taking care of inner demons!]()
Taking care of inner demons!
It’s Christmas break and the dog Suki is growling as the sisters are bantering and sometimes getting competitive with “one-upmanship”. One enemy is “too much sugar” which eventually gets them into bad moods.
MOM is yelling at them to get their chores done like: “take out the garbage and compost”, “clean you room” and “take the dog out”. Another enemy is the enticement of electronic devices. But Mom with gotomedia, like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs have formed companies that make looking at devices enticing??
According to Clinical Psycologist and one time Professor of Psychology at Harvard, Jordan Peterson, the biggest enemy is the demon within each of us. He says, “We all need to learn that as humans, we are all capable of “Hitler type destruction of humanity’.” He goes on to explain that his favorite character is a person who always caries a sword but keeps it in the sheath.
Today, as I watch our 14-yr-old draw, I am excited to explain what her picture says to me, “The sisters are ready to fight the demons ‘INSIDE’ and some of us like to put more energy into fighting!”
She quickly responds, “YES, like my sister!!”
![We're Making History!!]()
We're Making History!!
Forty-eight years ago, 1973, when Sam and I built our new house off West Mercer Way, we were welcomed with neighborhood coffee hours. The Mercer Island City's Welcome Wagon gave us a basket of goodies. That summer, our girls - first and fifth graders, were introduced to students from the East Seattle School which was along West Mercer way and close to the floating bridge. Before the floating bridge opened in 1940, our neighborhood students commuted to Seattle's Garfield High School by boat. East Seattle opened in 1914 and was demolished last year, 2020.
December, 1973, neighborhood children got together and went caroling, finishing with hot chocolate and marshmallows at our house. In the past 40 years those traditions got lost.
This past summer, the first time in my memory from those early days, Ray hosted a gathering on his deck as the Covid-Restrictions eased in 2021. Over a dozen of us gathered with Canadian, Prussian, Japanese, German, Jewish, French, Irish, Korean heritages. Ray's next door neighbors are an elderly Korean couple who were very quiet. Then, as we were all leaving, someone talked the husband into sitting at Ray's grand piano. All of our mouths flew open and our eyes became saucers as we heard his operatic Pavarotti voice ring out a rendition!
Sam and my grown up first grader moved back to our house with her two daughters Christmas Eve 2019. Remembering the old times, she invited the neighbors to a second gathering, December 2021, with the girls lighting up our house with seasonal decor. As we enjoyed stuffed peppers, brownies and cheese & crackers, Ray told us about his Foreman grandparents from Alberta, Canada. They built the first house on our hill, around 1935, on Maker street. Ray's mother, Robin Foreman, and father built the second house and we were one of the last of the dozen or more houses on this Foreman property. Robin was also on the committees for the development of the Mercer Island Beach Club and the Mercer Island Library.
I couldn't help but give Ray a bad time by recalling our first encounter with him as a middle school student in 1973. He and his neighbor friend, Andrew, took advantage of the lumber delivered for the building of our house. My husband, Sam, noticed the building of a crude hide-away, similar to the ones Sam had built himself as a kid, in the empty lot below our lot. Assured the lumber was borrowed from our stash, Sam talked the boys into admitting it and bringing the pieces back :-)
Now with the new set of school agers on the hill, they are creating new memories as they gather each morning on West Mercer Way for the yellow school bus. And plans are to do some caroling with Hot Chocolate with marshmallows and Strawberry Santas at the end.
![Drawn by granddaughter!]()
Drawn by granddaughter!
Similar to Emily Post for our western traditions and manners, those of us with Japanese Heritage also maintain various levels of GIRI.
Yesterday, I was asked to pick up a distant cousin, at the airport from Pocatello, Idaho, where she is attending Idaho State. Her parents flew in from Hilo, Hawaii, a few hours later. Her family is precise about paying me back and thanking me in ways far beyond the favors I do for them. I was excited to participate because I felt I owed them the favor for what they have done in the past for me.
We had a small argument as to who pays for dinner. She won because I’m too agreeable. As I dropped her off at her hotel, she had another gift she had purchased, a box of Macarons. I reluctantly accepted, despite the fact that I didn’t get to be the hostess for dinner. Now, I feel obligated for next time and we will continue the game.
Issei (immigrants born in Japan) families, I have known, kept written notebooks and logs of how much money they received as memorial and celebratory gifts from relatives and friends, especially for funerals. Therefore, when the times came to reciprocate, the exact amount was given back. The notebook pages were kept by the oldest son to continue the tradition.
Like favors with our American hostess gifts, there is an OKAESHI (giving back requirement). I don’t know when it stopped, but when we used to bring KODEN (donations to help offset funeral expenses), we got an envelope back with a few postal stamps. My uncle gave everyone who came to the grand opening of his grocery store a Japanese ceramic dish.
Many Nisei (children of Issei) continued most of these traditions. My mother often refused invitations to socialize with her childhood Japanese friends and wouldn’t participate in the Japanese community events telling us kids, “No, we can’t go visit them because we can’t afford it.” My nuclear family was very poor because my father was not a good farmer, but uncles and aunts helped us a lot because we are “family”. As a Sansei (child of the Nisei), I love socializing and the obligations. I “play by feel”, not duty.
OMOIDE Writing Program celebrated the 30th year of sharing stories at the Japanese Cultural and Community Center of Washington in Seattle in November 2021. Several of us noticed the abundance of the contribution to the pot-luck refreshment table. We all feel “embarrassed” to not bring at least twice as much as we expect to consume. Several, stay and make sure the room is as orderly or better than when we entered as we leave.
My friend John Asari told me his story of when he was little and how their family went to parks for outings and picnics. As responsible and good citizens, his mother made sure the family left the place cleaner than when they found it.
Because of 200 years of isolation and because Japanese citizens live so close to each other in their limited livable island territory, Japanese brought socializing and good manners to a science. For me it’s common sense and psychologically fulfilling to be courteous and do what feels right.
THANKFUL FOR SMALL THINGS, BIG THINGS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!
- ブログルメンバーの方は下記のページからログインをお願いいたします。
ログイン
- まだブログルのメンバーでない方は下記のページから登録をお願いいたします。
新規ユーザー登録へ
YOUNGER GRAND DAUGHTER'S DRAWING AND POEM
