KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT

It’s not easy, and I fail a lot. I’m listening to trial attorney, Jeffrey Fisher’s podcast: HOW TO STAY CALM WHEN YOU’RE DISRESPECTED.

With my Japanese heritage, it’s given me kind of a head start on learning to not say too much. I like being in the USA My ancestors chose to immigrate here and stay here because we are more free to make choices and express our feelings.

With 4th and 5th generations now living with me I am getting a lot of practice. Fisher suggests: “The first rule is to understand that with most of the disrespect, I am not the target”.

The second rule Fisher advises, especially for court, is to be silent for a few seconds before talking/answering and use your breath, with a sigh, for one’s first word. When speaking to say it with confidence and control. Two words can change the conversation.” Luckily, I’m a slow talker and use few words. My girls have always said, “Spit it out Mom!”

When I heard “Make taking a breath your first words…”, I was excited to go out to the kitchen and compliment my 15-yr-old granddaughter because she is good at this. She was impressed! When she was as little as two-years-old, I remember how she would get upset and start to cry. Then she ran to her room and shut the door. We could hear her crying. After about 5 minutes she came out as if nothing happened. She did this regularly until a couple years ago. She is a quiet leader in her teen world!!

Fisher’s third rule is to not try to win an argument and work to make one’s “next conversation” to “CONNECT”. Connecting starts with getting curious about the other person, conveying honestly about how I’m feeling. It can even be said with just body language.

This has nothing to do with crisis communication but is related to connecting. Yesterday, after lunch with this friend for planning an event; on the way home, my daughter said, “She never asked me one question about what or how I’m thinking.”

I’m with Thumper in our world of tinderbox happenings. It works for me to learn and practice keeping my mouth shut. I THINK ABOUT IT and breath a deep sigh!!