KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT
1月
20日
The first rule I remember learning is “NO TALKING DURING PROBLEM TIMES”. And if we do talk, to use “I Language”. I looked it up on the internet today and a set of feeling words are there for us to learn. Forty-five years ago most of us parents were always using “You messages” such as, “You aren’t listening”.
I remember one time saying to our older daughter, “It makes me feel sad that I had to yell before your room got cleaned.”
She responded, “Oh Mom, don’t use that stuff on me!” But she didn’t get mad.
The second rule is to take the problem to a public place (so it is embarrassing to argue or yell) and have a discussion. It’s important to address problems proactively and not assume they will eventually resolve on their own or with maturity.
In counseling, I suggest making “dates” with our children, individually, for these discussions on a regular basis. This also applies to issues with a significant partners. THIS WORKS!!
Motivational speaker, Mel Robbins suggests the FIVE SECOND RULE on taking action for accomplishing things. I like to use it in reverse. We used to say, “Count to ten.”
Not thinking before a retort has become epidemic in today’s world. We are abusing each other with too much free will. Twitter and Facebook has allowed us to go crazy!
I say listen to Winnie-the-Pooh, “KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT FOR AT LEAST FIVE SECONDS" and give myself time to think before a ‘come-back’, if that’s necessary.
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