What Am I to You?

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Just Venting It All Out - A messy template for a hate mail.

It's been three years now since I met you. I have tried to love you and live a normal life. I failed miserably in both. When I put you at fault for both, please hold your anger for a minute and read on. Because I am not finished.

What were we? A series of disappointments? In three years, I changed so much. I thought love will transform me for the better. Transform it did, both of us.

Sometime your actions are so spiteful and horrible, I can almost listen my heart serrated so painfully, I whimper like a child. And I don't. But I am so heartbroken my insides churn in pain. Like a sick person, even a fake smile brings infinite pain.

I asked this several times and you couldn't answer them. Instead you ran, for your life. You broke up with me. But you never told me. You hid the lie of two-timing so long, now I don't believe that either. You are saying you are hurt too. Really? In between your hundreds of friends, do you even have time to think about me?

All your smallest uncaring actions bring me immense pain. Do you even realize that? Your attitude of 'Whatever', your smart ass answers, were not good enough to hide your ugly secret. I knew something was lurking behind, and drew it out I did. But after so many years! Do you even know what does that people. But who cares, right?

I hate you bitch, I wish you so much bad luck, that from now on you would not dare to take one step further in your life. More than that, I want to tear your innocent face to the world, and show it to others, what a truly horrible monster of a woman you are.

You never wanted our relationship to come to the front, to make it public. Because that would be a commitment. You liked men liking you so much, and managed it so well, you didn't care how many people got hurt in the process.
But you are a good friend to so many, nobody would doubt, you have such a cruel streak in you. Your hate and cruelty is so much passionate, I had to remind you that you never loved me half that passion.

I hardly remember a good moment with you, that is not interspersed with hundreds of hate messages you have been sending for the past three years. Everything will be according to your own whims and fancies. You will take people for rides you enjoy. But remember, they are people, they have faces, names, memories and heart even though you may have no regard for.

I should have listened to your friend, yes, your friend, who told me what a bitch you were. Here is a clue: she is still a good friend of yours.

'I respect your love for me', your favourite line, repeated over the years, now so cliched, I can barf when you start that, because I know you don't care. You just want to avoid me, but pushing me not too far away, because then one less person is madly in love with you.

Yet I am tied to you, when you move by, when a call comes from you, my heart is aflutter, my stomach is in a knot, and my brain is washed with so much of hope and love, I forget all the ill feelings I have been harboring against you. And I am lost.

It is then I hate my mind and my body that has become so habituated and enslaved for you.

Liar. Cheater. Childish. Stupid. You are all of this and so did I too become.

What Am I to You? That's how I started. The one question I had to ask you, and which you always avoided. Now I will not ask you to tell me the truth. Because you will lie. You can very well build a castle of lies and live there for the rest of your life. For that, I pity you and the rest of the life you are going to live.

You are a child. How can I ask you to take responsibility when you don't have the emotional maturity to take that decision. So, yes, I forgive you.

Also, as wise people say, we should always forgive others, because we are after all human, but we shall never, never forget.

No, I will never forget you, dear nor the time we shared together. This is my bye. You can go live your life now. I am SO out of it. You are free to destroy it or make some good of it...Just Kidding.

Picture Courtesy: shandi-lee at flickr
http://www.flickr.com/photos/shandilee/5489333309/